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| Exams are finally over.
First thing first, I need to thank you CHICHO Jimmy Pan for helping me evacuate my dormitory and taking me here and there~! Hey man, "best bf" forever, I don't know how to get you a gf who can deserve you. You are just amazing~!
Had a great day with Priya , Prakash , Jimson and Jimmy. Thank you Jimmy for driving us for 6 hours to and from Venus Bay. It was awesome~~~ haha~~ I am PIPI HUNTING QUEEN, I got 2x PIPI, but Jimson got 4x PIPI........Man, it was fun~~ I loe the sun shine and the beautiful beach. It was so comfortable and care free~!
Thanks for lending me your shoulder too, Jimbo~! I hope you didn't get a sore shoulder.......It was fun to have Priya singing and organizing games through out the trip~~~!! Hhaha...I really enjoyed the road trip though I was the only one got spoiled, allowed to sleep for 2 hours to and 3 hours back from Venus Bay.... hahaha..
I am soooooo spoiled by you all.
Especially you , Jimmy Pan~!!!!! How an earth can you pack up everything in the morning by yourself and let me sleep in?~!!!!!! It was already kind enough for you to take me to Benalla and stay with me ~~~~~!!! You are such a good friend~~~!!!!!!!! OMG, u are the "best bf" ever la~!!!! man~~~ Though our workplacement was cancelled, seriously, thank you soooo much for everything that you have done. You are amazing~!!!!! It was so comfortable to be with you, CHICHO~!
omg...I am so tired now...after 3 days of "real live"~~!!!!!!
It feels like ages after exams have finished.....but it was just 3 days........It is kind of like all the stuff that I learnt during exams are fading away....Anyways, I am going home, I don;t care la, when result come out, I will think of what to do la
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| I am at the honours lab again, by myself. Without Violet, without Nick Nick, I am kind of floating around with my pig lecture notes in hands. Feeling depressed, upS and downS, left and right. I fell asleep in the first paper....great~! does the medication help or is it killing me gradually? Feeling damn shit without it, I feel that I am more like an addict or a a patient. All of a sudden, I really think that I am not suitable to be a vet. I do not have the passion like Joanna or Colleen has. I love animals. I tihnk they are the most adorable animals in the world. However, I cannot see myself being a good vet for the rest of my life in the future, at least, not working in a clinic or hospital. What am I doing in Melb? Why am I still living? living for what lei????????????????? Feeling like shit, but still have to cope with it.  WHO CAN SAVE ME? ?????????????????????????
It was a great relief to recieve the call from my sister last night. I guess it was her happiest brithday for so many years. I really wish she can be a happy princess forever because she deserves that~! As for myself, I am still floating in the sea looking for my direction. I am not sure what I wanna be in the future. ai....a degree, a bachelor degree from university is a ticket u need to survive in this society. Why do I wanna survive? Why must I live? living for what? SELF-PROTECTING THEORY uhm..........."there is always some people contain certain genetic code, (DNA) which would harm you, STAY AWAY~!" What a theory~! but I like it. I used to believe that if I love everybody , everybody would love me back. And everyone can be my friends, no matter what. However, things change. There are too many complicated things and people in this world. Finally, i realise that there are always some people who can never be my friends. There are always things that are unforgettable and unbearable. I collapsed, I cried, I fell, but I believe I will rise again. I just need time to get out from the dark, to find my way back to my white zone, only that I can survive, and be myself again. The long-lost Grace is hidden somewhere because she is scared and hurt. Once the wound heals, she will finally come back. When an animal is in pain, she becomes agressive, this is a self-protecting mechanism. | | |
| I am at the honors lab now.
Feeling like shit because I study damn freaking slow.
There is too little time but too much study.
I don;t want to graduate as a quackery in the future~!!!!
I wonder why I am so greedy all the time.
I want this but I also want that. Every time I am pushing myself to a limit that I cannot even bear. What for??
Grace, what do you want????
How come I am still in a maze.
Am I just satisfied to be a vet for the rest of my life or am I going to do the things I really really want to do?
Interesting enough, I am still surviving.
Dying once makes you don't want to die twice.
It is a beautiful day today and I did enjoy the time at Violet;s room even just sleeping and studying on the same bed.
Thank God that there is someone there for me. Thanks Em n Violet~!
In these few days, I got to know more about cats husbandry, more or less because of Miko and Mao mao.
Funny enough , Miko used to hate me, now we get along well and I am kind of in love with her.
haha...I suddenly want to have a cat at home. But I guess my sister will definitely kill me because she has ailurophobia.
I miss Pepper.
ha~ just one month left though. I have bought the tickets today and am flying home on the 28th NOV~! yea~
I wanna hug Pepper to sleep.
Really miss my Pepper. ~ Peppeprperpeprperperperpeprererer
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| Life is shit in vet, yet I have damn good friends around me.
I am lucky and blessed.
Violet has made my week~!!!! She was so caring and has been looking after me throughout the week. Man~~~ She got me an extra bed in her room, laid out the bed , had "pillow talk" with me for 2 hours , put me into sleep, cooked dumplings and made me a cup of milk tea for breakfast ~!!!! Well, I felt like I was at a hotel + 5 stars home~! I AM SPOILED ~!!!! Even my sisters have never done this to me before....hhaha...I felt I was so be loved. Man~~ My first breakfast in bed~!!!I love it ~!
Besides la, Emily always made me feel damn warm ar. Baby~~~ thanks for stopping me to do stupid things and calm me down whenever I need lei.....You are always there for me ar~~~! I don;t know how to find a damn good friend like you. You always think about the others before yourself. Too nice la~!!! MUAH~! I am happy for you whenever you are happy. It is really good to see the happy Em~!!!! Baby~ don;t be sheepy la....you are a lion~! you drove all the way from city to werribee for me~~~~~~~~You bring laughters to me every day ar~!
Jimmy~~~ you are the best driving coach ~! Thanks for letting me drive your car and looking after me in Werribee. Walking along the lake made me relax. Your support made a whole lot of difference with my vet life. I really appreciate everything you have done for me. Believe me, you can be a good vet la because you have a good heart and caring attitude. You do~!
Thanks for talking to me today, Devina~ ! it was very sweet. I felt very secure when you held my hands throughout the 45minutes drive. You are such a cheerful and lovely girl. Your positive power and supportive words will stay in my mind. Thanks for your understanding and I really wish we could have a longer chat than that.
Everyone is stressed in our course but you are still shining and giving me loads of support. I am glad that I have a friend like you.
Tien, your message means a lot to me. thanks~! you know what...yeh yeh yeh
Finally, thanks for people who have been tolerating and forgiving me for this semester, especially En, Horace and Victoria.
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| I was 6 or 7 when my grandma passed away.
Neither can I recall what happened nor how I felt.
However, somehow my tears just rush out whenever I flip over her photos when I am at home alone.
There is too few memories and too little time share between us.
Sometimes,
I am afraid that the remaining memories may be pushed away if I keep studying too hard.
It was only because of those , I am shaped the way I am today.
I still have vivid memory of the time going to kindergarten holding my brother and my grandma,s hands, playing on the swings.
I miss my brother.
Sometimes,
I wish I could have another pillow fight with him.
I would rather him making me cry and grumpy than not here around with me.
I could have him drive me here and there.
We could go karaoke , play big 2 together with sisters and Doudou.
Sometimes,
these happen in my dream.
However, my tears wake me up and it is time to go to school.
When I play wii, I think about you.
This is because you were the person who taught me how to play TV & PC games.
To be honest, as a lot of people know, I do not like playing those games because I find them a waste of time.
But I liked watching you play Biohazzard, indeed.
I remember the first time playing wii at "2nd floor" with you and Nick.
Playing wii made me feel you were around.
Sometimes,
when I sat on my friend's car, I was particularly happy because it felt like sitting next to you.
Those boys talked to me like the way you were.
I really wish that I could get an international driving liscence to just drive everywhere to look for you.
Where did you go?
You left me for a year when I was in F.1
Then you left me again for a few years again when I was in F.4 and 5
Can you just don;t leave me alone, please?
I am scared.
UNCHU passed away two years ago when I was studying year 2 sem2.
I cried a lot.
We lost a family memeber who had been with us for 9 years.
At that time, I wrote a letter to her here on xanga because I thought the satellite would help me send this to her, to the ultimate space, to the rainbow bridge, to heaven.
It helped me to take away the pain and bring my love to her.
I had no idea about Narrative Therapy until I read this psychiatric book today.
Then, I told myself, I want to write you one.
I hope this will arrive at your heart, whereever you are.
Now , I am experiencing this depersonalization , derealization period.
I wish they will go away soon.
My brain is just not functioning and tears just keep running down.
I want to see you.
It feels like I totally lost a brother for no reason.
No matter where you are, please remember,
******I always love you , I would pray for you and support you.
Take care bro.
love,
your sister Grace
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