I am at the honours lab again, by myself. Without Violet, without Nick Nick, I am kind of floating around with my pig lecture notes in hands. Feeling depressed, upS and downS, left and right. I fell asleep in the first paper....great~! does the medication help or is it killing me gradually? Feeling damn shit without it, I feel that I am more like an addict or a a patient. All of a sudden, I really think that I am not suitable to be a vet. I do not have the passion like Joanna or Colleen has. I love animals. I tihnk they are the most adorable animals in the world. However, I cannot see myself being a good vet for the rest of my life in the future, at least, not working in a clinic or hospital. What am I doing in Melb? Why am I still living? living for what lei????????????????? Feeling like shit, but still have to cope with it.  WHO CAN SAVE ME? ?????????????????????????
It was a great relief to recieve the call from my sister last night. I guess it was her happiest brithday for so many years. I really wish she can be a happy princess forever because she deserves that~! As for myself, I am still floating in the sea looking for my direction. I am not sure what I wanna be in the future. ai....a degree, a bachelor degree from university is a ticket u need to survive in this society. Why do I wanna survive? Why must I live? living for what? SELF-PROTECTING THEORY uhm..........."there is always some people contain certain genetic code, (DNA) which would harm you, STAY AWAY~!" What a theory~! but I like it. I used to believe that if I love everybody , everybody would love me back. And everyone can be my friends, no matter what. However, things change. There are too many complicated things and people in this world. Finally, i realise that there are always some people who can never be my friends. There are always things that are unforgettable and unbearable. I collapsed, I cried, I fell, but I believe I will rise again. I just need time to get out from the dark, to find my way back to my white zone, only that I can survive, and be myself again. The long-lost Grace is hidden somewhere because she is scared and hurt. Once the wound heals, she will finally come back. When an animal is in pain, she becomes agressive, this is a self-protecting mechanism. | 
